Every since I was a little girl I have always wanted to be a mother. I think most women want that in some way shape or form. Well I have met some women that have no desire and that's their right but not me I have always wanted to hear a child call me "mom" A year after Neal and I got married I kept hearing " when are you guys gonna have one" So I knew that I probably was gonna have some issues being that I have never been "regular" so we decided that we would start seeing a fertility specialist in Greensboro I wont use names but just put it this way he isn't worth mentioning on anything that I write about. First appointment I was told A) I was young, B) I was extremely obese 3) my insurance didn't cover anything that I would "need" or this so called doctor said that I would "need" So one he took tons of blood work and discovered that my thyroid was all funny acting that's what he said all my weight gain was from and that he thought I was type 2 diabetic which later found out wasn't true he also diagnosed me with complex hyperplasia and that he recommended me to have a hysterectomy at the age of 24!! I was right at 24 at that time. I was in so much shock I didn't know what to think. I knew that wasn't what I wanted to do. He said one way to not have this hyperplasia was to loose weight so basically I was starving myself and NOT eating to loose wight I lost 36 lbs and he said that was good but he wanted me to loose about 30 more lbs I was livid! I tried to do everything that this doctor was telling me. In the mean time everyone was having babies and I just kept saying we were trying but not getting anywhere with this doctor. during this time we were blessed with twin nieces who in a way took the pressure away from having a baby and was able to spend time with them and help get my mind off not having a baby. After three years and this same doctor not putting me on any fertility medication and not wanting to go any further for treatment Neal and I decided to get a second opinion which was God sent. I talked with my current Fertility specialist about it and he told me there was nothing more he WOULD do to help me cause I was just morbidly obese, now the ones that are reading this that know me know 1) I am not a short girl I am 5'10.5" and I have never been skinny 2) I love food but I did loose the weight that he wanted me to at the time and yet it still wasn't good enough for this doctor. When he told Neal and I that I said some dirty things to this doctor and walked out... after over $22,000 of my personal money and my insurance money and 3 years later I walked away with nothing! At that time we took a while off to focus on our marriage and lifestyle and decided we needed change and needed time for each other since so much of that last 3 years was focused on a little one and wanting to be pregnant and having a baby that we let each other go and needed to focus on us and allow God to be the foundation of our marriage and life. After taking about 9 months off March of 2009 we met with Doctor Deaton at Premier Fertility Clinic in High Point NC... AND I will just say that he was God sent. Truly a blessing from Day 1! Neal and I met with him and he told me that even though I could loose a little more weight he has seen women ALLOT larger than I have babies, he talked to us about a time line and what he wanted to do. He was so nice and caring and never made me feel like a fat cow and has always made me feel like I am important. We started out with blood work and ultrasounds basically getting the basic information that he needed. He told me that I DIDN'T have complex hyperplasia (which if I did God healed me I truly believe that) he did want to get my thyroid under control and he kept me on metformin just because the side effect it had was it strengthens your ovaries... After getting my cycle regulated he decided that he would start me on clomid which is a fertility drug you take orally to help make your eggs grow which would help me ovulate well after 7 months of that nothing so then we moved onto femera and did 5 months of that and well still no progress. so then he decided that we would start the SHOTS one thing that we were sure that would get these stubborn eggs grow! Well after 14 days we had a couple eggs ready for the trigger shot which was suppose to release the eggs that were ready and then have timed intercourse so we did... and then we waited during that two weeks I got EVERY symptom that a normal pregnant lady would it was pretty interesting what my body was going through... well the Fridays before I was suppose to find out my aunt flow came the first time in my life that I NEVER wanted her to come. I was ok at first and then had a a really hard time understanding why me? Why me when so many girls out there that don't have a anything can just get pregnant or women that have 3 or 4 and cant afford them and end of being on government assistant can just up and have as many as they want. How teenage girls in high school that don't even know what they want to do in life are just popping them out left and right. How come I had to be barren how come that I am not being blessed like it says in the bible women are suppose to be. How come the confirmations that God has given me through other people have not taken place. Have I not lived the life I was suppose to? Have I been that bad of a person? Am I too mean, too nice and I just not worth being called a mother? Those things went through my head at that time until I realized that I am worthy and that God has a big plan for Neal and I. It may not be the time right now to have one biologically but I will have a baby.... my next blog will explain what we are gonna do going forward:)
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Desire for a little one...
Every since I was a little girl I have always wanted to be a mother. I think most women want that in some way shape or form. Well I have met some women that have no desire and that's their right but not me I have always wanted to hear a child call me "mom" A year after Neal and I got married I kept hearing " when are you guys gonna have one" So I knew that I probably was gonna have some issues being that I have never been "regular" so we decided that we would start seeing a fertility specialist in Greensboro I wont use names but just put it this way he isn't worth mentioning on anything that I write about. First appointment I was told A) I was young, B) I was extremely obese 3) my insurance didn't cover anything that I would "need" or this so called doctor said that I would "need" So one he took tons of blood work and discovered that my thyroid was all funny acting that's what he said all my weight gain was from and that he thought I was type 2 diabetic which later found out wasn't true he also diagnosed me with complex hyperplasia and that he recommended me to have a hysterectomy at the age of 24!! I was right at 24 at that time. I was in so much shock I didn't know what to think. I knew that wasn't what I wanted to do. He said one way to not have this hyperplasia was to loose weight so basically I was starving myself and NOT eating to loose wight I lost 36 lbs and he said that was good but he wanted me to loose about 30 more lbs I was livid! I tried to do everything that this doctor was telling me. In the mean time everyone was having babies and I just kept saying we were trying but not getting anywhere with this doctor. during this time we were blessed with twin nieces who in a way took the pressure away from having a baby and was able to spend time with them and help get my mind off not having a baby. After three years and this same doctor not putting me on any fertility medication and not wanting to go any further for treatment Neal and I decided to get a second opinion which was God sent. I talked with my current Fertility specialist about it and he told me there was nothing more he WOULD do to help me cause I was just morbidly obese, now the ones that are reading this that know me know 1) I am not a short girl I am 5'10.5" and I have never been skinny 2) I love food but I did loose the weight that he wanted me to at the time and yet it still wasn't good enough for this doctor. When he told Neal and I that I said some dirty things to this doctor and walked out... after over $22,000 of my personal money and my insurance money and 3 years later I walked away with nothing! At that time we took a while off to focus on our marriage and lifestyle and decided we needed change and needed time for each other since so much of that last 3 years was focused on a little one and wanting to be pregnant and having a baby that we let each other go and needed to focus on us and allow God to be the foundation of our marriage and life. After taking about 9 months off March of 2009 we met with Doctor Deaton at Premier Fertility Clinic in High Point NC... AND I will just say that he was God sent. Truly a blessing from Day 1! Neal and I met with him and he told me that even though I could loose a little more weight he has seen women ALLOT larger than I have babies, he talked to us about a time line and what he wanted to do. He was so nice and caring and never made me feel like a fat cow and has always made me feel like I am important. We started out with blood work and ultrasounds basically getting the basic information that he needed. He told me that I DIDN'T have complex hyperplasia (which if I did God healed me I truly believe that) he did want to get my thyroid under control and he kept me on metformin just because the side effect it had was it strengthens your ovaries... After getting my cycle regulated he decided that he would start me on clomid which is a fertility drug you take orally to help make your eggs grow which would help me ovulate well after 7 months of that nothing so then we moved onto femera and did 5 months of that and well still no progress. so then he decided that we would start the SHOTS one thing that we were sure that would get these stubborn eggs grow! Well after 14 days we had a couple eggs ready for the trigger shot which was suppose to release the eggs that were ready and then have timed intercourse so we did... and then we waited during that two weeks I got EVERY symptom that a normal pregnant lady would it was pretty interesting what my body was going through... well the Fridays before I was suppose to find out my aunt flow came the first time in my life that I NEVER wanted her to come. I was ok at first and then had a a really hard time understanding why me? Why me when so many girls out there that don't have a anything can just get pregnant or women that have 3 or 4 and cant afford them and end of being on government assistant can just up and have as many as they want. How teenage girls in high school that don't even know what they want to do in life are just popping them out left and right. How come I had to be barren how come that I am not being blessed like it says in the bible women are suppose to be. How come the confirmations that God has given me through other people have not taken place. Have I not lived the life I was suppose to? Have I been that bad of a person? Am I too mean, too nice and I just not worth being called a mother? Those things went through my head at that time until I realized that I am worthy and that God has a big plan for Neal and I. It may not be the time right now to have one biologically but I will have a baby.... my next blog will explain what we are gonna do going forward:)
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