Bumed out, Sad, Depressed, Discouraged, frustrated...

Those are a few of the words that I felt yesterday 1/17/2011 and today 1/18/2011. Some of those emotions got the best of me. So here we go.

Fridays appointment was ok. There was not much growth in the follicles which kinda stunk but Dr Deaton wanted to up my dosage to 7 unites a night. 4 of Bravelle and 3 Menopur. So that's what I did. I was nervous about taking that much however Dr Deaton is the MD not me. So Friday , Saturday and Sunday I took those dosages. Praying and knowing that God allowed these eggs to grow.

Monday Neal and I go in for our appointment. I liked to Neal to go with me when he can so that he can be full aware of whats actually being said, what we need to do and what our next step is. I was SO EXCITED for my appointment I just knew that they grew! I was also excited cause this was the week the retrieval was suppose to be "conception" In the terms if IVF a VERY important week!! Well God has other plans. I had my blood taken first then Angela proceeded to do the ultrasound. The first thing she measured was my lining which was still thick but not the healthy thick they want for a good transfer. So then she went to my right ovary and there were about 40 follicles there she measured 10 of them and they ranged from 8mm-12mm nothing like they wanted to see and basically the same for the left ovary. I was then kinda bummed because I then had the feeling that the shots were going to stop but didn't say anything just had a feeling and was praying that I was wrong. After that Angela said that she would call me with the blood results cause that ultimately tells them how my body is reacting to the injections.

Well... about 2:15 I got a call and it wasn't from Angela it was from Dr Deaton. Then my heart sank and I knew it wasn't good news. He told me that my situation was complicated and that he felt at this time he wanted to stop all shots and basically have a period to clean and flush everything out and start a fresh shot cycle. I was devastated. I cant think of a better way to explain it but that I was frustrated beyond imagination. You will never know the emotional road a person that goes through this has unless you yourself goes through it. Dr Deaton said it could be multiple reason why my ovaries are not stimulating as they should for ex; lupron injection I take with the other medication can sometimes over power the stimulating medication and he feels that may be a big reason and another is that some bodies react to regular injections different than inter muscular injections. Dr Deaton then said that he doesn't want me to give up. That I just have to give him time and he will get my eggs to stimulate. I feel very comfortable with Dr Deaton and know that God is guiding him every step of the way...

So WHATS NEXT;

So now Dr D wants to shed this lining and also get rid of the follicles that have started to grow. So he ordered me an inter muscular injection for ONE time that will be given to me tomorrow Wed 1/19/2011 at is office by him. In the mean time I am taking progesterone pills until then. This injection will allow me to have a period. And we will start fresh.

I am excited about starting again. Nervous but excited. I have lots of mix emotions and know that this is all according to Gods plan. I once read where Mother Theresa once said" God will not give you too much that you cant handle it, I just wish he didn't trust me so much" Well I can honestly say that's how I feel. I feel like I keep getting broken down piece by piece. I know that sounds horrible but emotionally that's how I feel. I just don't understand at times WHY ME??

I have the best support staff from my husband , my mother and James, church, in laws, sister, family, friends, co workers, I love each of you guys. I have so many prayer warriors out there its wonderful. One of my good friends well actually a couple both texted me yesterday and I will never forget this" God is molding you a special miracle" I will always remember that and that's so true. Its hard for me to for sea that but with God ANYTHING and Everything is possible! I know this. I also know that I need to keep my head up and know that Gods got my back He always has!

So now we just wait. Just like Dr D said "You have got to be one of the most calm, patience, determined , dedicated clients I have" I told him that I usually get what I want and God is showing me here that its in His timing. I am learning a HUGE lesson here.

Thank you to all of you that have prayed and keep praying for Neal and I. I am sure its very frustrating to Neal he just shows it a little different. He is being strong for me and for that I am grateful!

Keep the prayers and thoughts coming!

We love you all!!

Lizzy and Neal