Today as I sit her and think that today would have been the day to have found out if or IVF had worked, would we have become parents? Would I now be called mommy? And Neal daddy? I am not sad , depressed, frustrated or any of the other feelings that I had felt when I was told to stop the shots. I am at peace. At peace that with every day closer to " motherhood" weather its biologically or not I am at peace because God is the one that makes me feel that way. For so long in my life I have depended on myself and others to make me feel a certain way and no more! I am not saying that I wish things with the first round of IVF shots were not different I would be lying if I said that I am saying as of today 1/31/2011 I am at peace with having to wait to see what our next steps are.
The "roller coaster" ride that IVF is an understatement to say the least. I have ton of emotions towards IVF and other things. I have been up and down in my moods and feelings towards things have been up and down. I at times put on my "big girl" panties and smile and act as if nothing is wrong when if you really know me I was becoming broken. BUT NOT NOW!! I can not and will not become that person that they say so many women in my situation become. Gods will for Neal and I though we may not know but is like I have said before SO MUCH BIGGER and I will stand on my faith.
I do want to touch on one thing. If you read this then you probably have followed me through this journey so far and know that I say how I feel and if you feel different I am more than happy to discuss your feelings. I am not selfish when it comes to my friends and families feelings. I may not agree but I need to be an adult and mature when it comes to certain things. Say for one someone else getting pregnant. That's the touchiest thing that people assume bothers me. Or "Don't tell Lizzy you know she wants a baby and cant get pregnant" or "Lets wait to tell her cause we don't want to upset her" or "Lizzy may get jealous" . Let me set something straight. I am the most giving , loving person to anyone that is pregnant. I don't get jealous or mad because someone else is pregnant and I am not. I am so thankful that God allowed that person to have such a blessing to be able to get pregnant and start a family. Something that I pray for one day. I would never be jealous or mad about someone getting pregnant. Now if that person feels that way I would be very sad for the fact that they wouldn't want me to celebrate the special occasion with them as I know its a blessing from God. Another thing is if they hid it from me and wait to tell me later then I would kinda be upset not for the pregnancy part but because I would never want someone to keep that away from me. It only hurts me more that they didn't feel they could tell me. I want to celebrate with my friends. I want to be there for them. I will tell you since Neal and I have started our journey I think off the top of my head that 18 of my friends and family members have had babies and I have supported all them!
Anyway that was just a little nugget to add in there.
Neal and I are doing well. We are just in a waiting period now waiting for my cycle to start so we can start another round of shots. We are not sure what the next steps are and what my body is going to decide it wants to do but we are waiting.
We are doing stuff to our new little rent cabin and also looking at houses and decided where we want to build to buy. We don't want to make any large financial obligations with not knowing where IVF is going to take us. So we are content and happy in our little home. Neal has been painting downstairs to be able to finally have a living room! And we are going to buy our kitchen table this weekend from you guys know IKEA WOOP WOOP! I love that place!
I would like to just say one other thing. I love my husband. I love him for who he is and who is becoming. Neal is perfect for me. He may not be perfect but he is for me. He just gets me. He has his ways and boy is he stubborn but I love him for that. I love him for supporting me in every way from IVF to shopping habits. I love him for coming to the Lord and giving his life to God. We all are not perfect and make mistakes but with God anything is possible. I know that. Neal is such a passive at times and tender heart. He was raised by such great parents and family and I cant wait for him to become a father to our children so that our children will know the same love that Neal knew growing up . I love him for his unconditional love!
Ok I will stop this rambling ! Just wanted to update!
Love and Peace to all!!
Lizzy
Monday, January 31, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Bumed out, Sad, Depressed, Discouraged, frustrated...
Those are a few of the words that I felt yesterday 1/17/2011 and today 1/18/2011. Some of those emotions got the best of me. So here we go.
Fridays appointment was ok. There was not much growth in the follicles which kinda stunk but Dr Deaton wanted to up my dosage to 7 unites a night. 4 of Bravelle and 3 Menopur. So that's what I did. I was nervous about taking that much however Dr Deaton is the MD not me. So Friday , Saturday and Sunday I took those dosages. Praying and knowing that God allowed these eggs to grow.
Monday Neal and I go in for our appointment. I liked to Neal to go with me when he can so that he can be full aware of whats actually being said, what we need to do and what our next step is. I was SO EXCITED for my appointment I just knew that they grew! I was also excited cause this was the week the retrieval was suppose to be "conception" In the terms if IVF a VERY important week!! Well God has other plans. I had my blood taken first then Angela proceeded to do the ultrasound. The first thing she measured was my lining which was still thick but not the healthy thick they want for a good transfer. So then she went to my right ovary and there were about 40 follicles there she measured 10 of them and they ranged from 8mm-12mm nothing like they wanted to see and basically the same for the left ovary. I was then kinda bummed because I then had the feeling that the shots were going to stop but didn't say anything just had a feeling and was praying that I was wrong. After that Angela said that she would call me with the blood results cause that ultimately tells them how my body is reacting to the injections.
Well... about 2:15 I got a call and it wasn't from Angela it was from Dr Deaton. Then my heart sank and I knew it wasn't good news. He told me that my situation was complicated and that he felt at this time he wanted to stop all shots and basically have a period to clean and flush everything out and start a fresh shot cycle. I was devastated. I cant think of a better way to explain it but that I was frustrated beyond imagination. You will never know the emotional road a person that goes through this has unless you yourself goes through it. Dr Deaton said it could be multiple reason why my ovaries are not stimulating as they should for ex; lupron injection I take with the other medication can sometimes over power the stimulating medication and he feels that may be a big reason and another is that some bodies react to regular injections different than inter muscular injections. Dr Deaton then said that he doesn't want me to give up. That I just have to give him time and he will get my eggs to stimulate. I feel very comfortable with Dr Deaton and know that God is guiding him every step of the way...
So WHATS NEXT;
So now Dr D wants to shed this lining and also get rid of the follicles that have started to grow. So he ordered me an inter muscular injection for ONE time that will be given to me tomorrow Wed 1/19/2011 at is office by him. In the mean time I am taking progesterone pills until then. This injection will allow me to have a period. And we will start fresh.
I am excited about starting again. Nervous but excited. I have lots of mix emotions and know that this is all according to Gods plan. I once read where Mother Theresa once said" God will not give you too much that you cant handle it, I just wish he didn't trust me so much" Well I can honestly say that's how I feel. I feel like I keep getting broken down piece by piece. I know that sounds horrible but emotionally that's how I feel. I just don't understand at times WHY ME??
I have the best support staff from my husband , my mother and James, church, in laws, sister, family, friends, co workers, I love each of you guys. I have so many prayer warriors out there its wonderful. One of my good friends well actually a couple both texted me yesterday and I will never forget this" God is molding you a special miracle" I will always remember that and that's so true. Its hard for me to for sea that but with God ANYTHING and Everything is possible! I know this. I also know that I need to keep my head up and know that Gods got my back He always has!
So now we just wait. Just like Dr D said "You have got to be one of the most calm, patience, determined , dedicated clients I have" I told him that I usually get what I want and God is showing me here that its in His timing. I am learning a HUGE lesson here.
Thank you to all of you that have prayed and keep praying for Neal and I. I am sure its very frustrating to Neal he just shows it a little different. He is being strong for me and for that I am grateful!
Keep the prayers and thoughts coming!
We love you all!!
Lizzy and Neal
Fridays appointment was ok. There was not much growth in the follicles which kinda stunk but Dr Deaton wanted to up my dosage to 7 unites a night. 4 of Bravelle and 3 Menopur. So that's what I did. I was nervous about taking that much however Dr Deaton is the MD not me. So Friday , Saturday and Sunday I took those dosages. Praying and knowing that God allowed these eggs to grow.
Monday Neal and I go in for our appointment. I liked to Neal to go with me when he can so that he can be full aware of whats actually being said, what we need to do and what our next step is. I was SO EXCITED for my appointment I just knew that they grew! I was also excited cause this was the week the retrieval was suppose to be "conception" In the terms if IVF a VERY important week!! Well God has other plans. I had my blood taken first then Angela proceeded to do the ultrasound. The first thing she measured was my lining which was still thick but not the healthy thick they want for a good transfer. So then she went to my right ovary and there were about 40 follicles there she measured 10 of them and they ranged from 8mm-12mm nothing like they wanted to see and basically the same for the left ovary. I was then kinda bummed because I then had the feeling that the shots were going to stop but didn't say anything just had a feeling and was praying that I was wrong. After that Angela said that she would call me with the blood results cause that ultimately tells them how my body is reacting to the injections.
Well... about 2:15 I got a call and it wasn't from Angela it was from Dr Deaton. Then my heart sank and I knew it wasn't good news. He told me that my situation was complicated and that he felt at this time he wanted to stop all shots and basically have a period to clean and flush everything out and start a fresh shot cycle. I was devastated. I cant think of a better way to explain it but that I was frustrated beyond imagination. You will never know the emotional road a person that goes through this has unless you yourself goes through it. Dr Deaton said it could be multiple reason why my ovaries are not stimulating as they should for ex; lupron injection I take with the other medication can sometimes over power the stimulating medication and he feels that may be a big reason and another is that some bodies react to regular injections different than inter muscular injections. Dr Deaton then said that he doesn't want me to give up. That I just have to give him time and he will get my eggs to stimulate. I feel very comfortable with Dr Deaton and know that God is guiding him every step of the way...
So WHATS NEXT;
So now Dr D wants to shed this lining and also get rid of the follicles that have started to grow. So he ordered me an inter muscular injection for ONE time that will be given to me tomorrow Wed 1/19/2011 at is office by him. In the mean time I am taking progesterone pills until then. This injection will allow me to have a period. And we will start fresh.
I am excited about starting again. Nervous but excited. I have lots of mix emotions and know that this is all according to Gods plan. I once read where Mother Theresa once said" God will not give you too much that you cant handle it, I just wish he didn't trust me so much" Well I can honestly say that's how I feel. I feel like I keep getting broken down piece by piece. I know that sounds horrible but emotionally that's how I feel. I just don't understand at times WHY ME??
I have the best support staff from my husband , my mother and James, church, in laws, sister, family, friends, co workers, I love each of you guys. I have so many prayer warriors out there its wonderful. One of my good friends well actually a couple both texted me yesterday and I will never forget this" God is molding you a special miracle" I will always remember that and that's so true. Its hard for me to for sea that but with God ANYTHING and Everything is possible! I know this. I also know that I need to keep my head up and know that Gods got my back He always has!
So now we just wait. Just like Dr D said "You have got to be one of the most calm, patience, determined , dedicated clients I have" I told him that I usually get what I want and God is showing me here that its in His timing. I am learning a HUGE lesson here.
Thank you to all of you that have prayed and keep praying for Neal and I. I am sure its very frustrating to Neal he just shows it a little different. He is being strong for me and for that I am grateful!
Keep the prayers and thoughts coming!
We love you all!!
Lizzy and Neal
Friday, January 14, 2011
Root Canal WHAT!!!
So just a small update! I had to have an emergency root canal yesterday 1/13/2011! I was having horrible pain and I couldn't sleep. My fear was that it was going to mess my IVF cycle up. Well they treated me as if I was with child gave me meds that if a pregnant lady needed a root canal she could have one.
So after being freaked out and TON of pain I feel a little better! I had an infection where the root was so that's what hurts the most right now. Just waiting for the antibiotic to clear that up and I will feel 100% better!
Thank you Jesus for good insurance and for making me feel at peace about things!
I have another appointment today for an ultrasound and blood work so I will update as soon as I know something!
Love
Lizzy
So after being freaked out and TON of pain I feel a little better! I had an infection where the root was so that's what hurts the most right now. Just waiting for the antibiotic to clear that up and I will feel 100% better!
Thank you Jesus for good insurance and for making me feel at peace about things!
I have another appointment today for an ultrasound and blood work so I will update as soon as I know something!
Love
Lizzy
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Blood Work...
Came back great!
My progesterone levels were 1.0 and he wanted them under 2.5 so that was good. And my estrogen level was 173 and Dr Deaton said that number was good.
They up my dosage to 3 bravelle and 2 menopur same as I started off with. I will do that tonight and tomorrow and go in Friday for another ultrasound and blood work.
We may know day of trigger shot so therefor we will know day of retrieval as well!!!
To be continued...
Love
Elizabeth
My progesterone levels were 1.0 and he wanted them under 2.5 so that was good. And my estrogen level was 173 and Dr Deaton said that number was good.
They up my dosage to 3 bravelle and 2 menopur same as I started off with. I will do that tonight and tomorrow and go in Friday for another ultrasound and blood work.
We may know day of trigger shot so therefor we will know day of retrieval as well!!!
To be continued...
Love
Elizabeth
Shots, Medication, Doctors OH MY!!
So I decided that I would update everyone today about the BIG shots that I started this past Saturday 1/8/2011. As most of you know I have been on Lupron which is a medication (Lupron is a man-made form of a hormone that regulates many processes in the body. Leuprolide overstimulates the body's own production of certain hormones, which causes that production to shut down temporarily. It reduces the amount of testosterone in men or estrogen in women.)that I inject every night. I was giving my self 10units. Starting this past Saturday I went down to 5 units.
Saturday I begun
Bravelle (Urofollitropin is a purified form of a hormone called follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH). FSH is important in the development of follicles (eggs) that are produced by the ovaries in women),
Menopur )Menotropins are used to stimulate ovulation (the release of an egg) when a woman's ovaries can produce a follicle but hormonal stimulation is deficient. Menotropins are also used to stimulate the development of multiple eggs for in vitro fertilization. Likewise, menotropins are used to stimulate the production of sperm in men who have functioning testes but in whom hormonal stimulation is deficient.)
I actually mix both Bravelle and Menopur together and inject using 1CC of water. So I started those and continued with Lupron. I also started taking the baby aspirin which I forgot what that actually does. And am remaining taking my prenatal as I have been for years!
We were actually nervous Saturday night when I was preparing for my mixing and making sure that I knew what I was doing(which I was trained but had kinda forgot) but remained calm. Neal just sat there watching me. I didn't want him to give me the shot for sure. I knew he would but I felt more confident giving it to myself. So after mixing I gave myself the shot. These needles release alto slower than any other medication that I had ever done before so it was a tad bit more tough. All in all I felt good about it. And so far no reaction negative reaction to the medication.
So I took 3 units of bravelle 2 units of menopur and 5 units of lurpon. Up until Tuesday the 11th. I was suppose to go to the doctor on Tuesday but Mother Nature wanted to throw a curve ball and send us some yucky weather. I tried to pray it away but this time it came anyway. So Dr Deaton called and moved my appointment to Wednesday the 12th. And lowered my dosage to 2 units bravelle and 2 units menopur. Since we were not sure how my ovaries were acting to the medication. How much my follicles were developing. So that leads me to my appointment today.
Wed 1/12/2011. I went in today for an ultrasound and blood work. I actually was still bleeding some cause I think my body is totally confused on what its suppose to be doing down there. lol But Angela and Dr Deaton said that it was fine so... its fine. So as Angela was giving me my ultrasound she was taking photos of my uterus and my lining. Let me stop here. I have the MOST stubborn uterus and lining ever! Most normal woman have a thin lining at the beginning of their IVF cycle well not Elizabeth I have a thick lining it seems all the time. Last week my lining was measuring 8.0 and didn't have the healthiness they are looking for. Today I was a 9.1 it was getting thicker and that happens as you stimulate. So.... We need it to be healthy. Anyway I will come back to that I just had to throw that nugget out there. Then she went to my right ovary which has about 30 follicles most were under 5mm there were a couple on the right that were 9mm... then on the left there were about 17 follicles none measured more than 7mm. Our goal is to get about 30 or more mature eggs a mature egg is considered 16mm-19mm. Being that I have only been on the stimulating medication for 4 days that's to be expected. Then I had my blood taken. I am now waiting for that call back so I will blog once I hear from Dr. Deaton as what to do next.
Here the break down. We have several things that could take place with the lining situation etc... This whole IVF cycle the goal is to conceive YES... however we need to make sure I don't hyper stimulate meaning (Ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome is a potential side effect of fertility drugs, particularly with gonadotropins taken during an IVF treatment cycle. About 10% of women going through IVF treatment will experience ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. While ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome can occur while taking Clomid and other fertility drugs taken orally, it’s rare.)We wanna make sure that my uterus is ready for transfer. If my body does go into hyper stimulation we will have a mentral cycle and FREEZE all the embryo's. So we will still have the retrieval and the embryologist will still be able to see how many embryos we can get once he has those numbers he will then freeze them and we will wait for a couple months. This is the same if this stubborn lining doesn't get healthy and or shed some. We will go along with the retrieval and just wait. We will most likely have to have a DNC to clean me out and then wait a month and do the transfer. I know all this seems so foreign to you cause it does kinda to me but I know that God has His hands protecting us so whatever is done is his will.
This is just a waiting and lots of patience's ! Lots of prayers and trusting Dr Deaton and his staff that Gods directing them into the direction that is best for Neal and I.
I am not saying this isn't hard. Its the most emotional, mental, physical roller coaster that I have ever been on in my life. I have Jesus in my heart and I know that he gives me the peace that passes all understanding. That no mater what God is there and will give Neal and I the strength we need for this IVF cycle.
So if we have the fresh transfer we are fine with that and if we have to wait a couple months and have frozen transfer we are fine with that as well.
So there you have it. I will update as soon as I know what my blood results are!!
Thanks for your prayers !
Love and God Bless,
Neal and Elizabeth
Saturday I begun
Bravelle (Urofollitropin is a purified form of a hormone called follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH). FSH is important in the development of follicles (eggs) that are produced by the ovaries in women),
Menopur )Menotropins are used to stimulate ovulation (the release of an egg) when a woman's ovaries can produce a follicle but hormonal stimulation is deficient. Menotropins are also used to stimulate the development of multiple eggs for in vitro fertilization. Likewise, menotropins are used to stimulate the production of sperm in men who have functioning testes but in whom hormonal stimulation is deficient.)
I actually mix both Bravelle and Menopur together and inject using 1CC of water. So I started those and continued with Lupron. I also started taking the baby aspirin which I forgot what that actually does. And am remaining taking my prenatal as I have been for years!
We were actually nervous Saturday night when I was preparing for my mixing and making sure that I knew what I was doing(which I was trained but had kinda forgot) but remained calm. Neal just sat there watching me. I didn't want him to give me the shot for sure. I knew he would but I felt more confident giving it to myself. So after mixing I gave myself the shot. These needles release alto slower than any other medication that I had ever done before so it was a tad bit more tough. All in all I felt good about it. And so far no reaction negative reaction to the medication.
So I took 3 units of bravelle 2 units of menopur and 5 units of lurpon. Up until Tuesday the 11th. I was suppose to go to the doctor on Tuesday but Mother Nature wanted to throw a curve ball and send us some yucky weather. I tried to pray it away but this time it came anyway. So Dr Deaton called and moved my appointment to Wednesday the 12th. And lowered my dosage to 2 units bravelle and 2 units menopur. Since we were not sure how my ovaries were acting to the medication. How much my follicles were developing. So that leads me to my appointment today.
Wed 1/12/2011. I went in today for an ultrasound and blood work. I actually was still bleeding some cause I think my body is totally confused on what its suppose to be doing down there. lol But Angela and Dr Deaton said that it was fine so... its fine. So as Angela was giving me my ultrasound she was taking photos of my uterus and my lining. Let me stop here. I have the MOST stubborn uterus and lining ever! Most normal woman have a thin lining at the beginning of their IVF cycle well not Elizabeth I have a thick lining it seems all the time. Last week my lining was measuring 8.0 and didn't have the healthiness they are looking for. Today I was a 9.1 it was getting thicker and that happens as you stimulate. So.... We need it to be healthy. Anyway I will come back to that I just had to throw that nugget out there. Then she went to my right ovary which has about 30 follicles most were under 5mm there were a couple on the right that were 9mm... then on the left there were about 17 follicles none measured more than 7mm. Our goal is to get about 30 or more mature eggs a mature egg is considered 16mm-19mm. Being that I have only been on the stimulating medication for 4 days that's to be expected. Then I had my blood taken. I am now waiting for that call back so I will blog once I hear from Dr. Deaton as what to do next.
Here the break down. We have several things that could take place with the lining situation etc... This whole IVF cycle the goal is to conceive YES... however we need to make sure I don't hyper stimulate meaning (Ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome is a potential side effect of fertility drugs, particularly with gonadotropins taken during an IVF treatment cycle. About 10% of women going through IVF treatment will experience ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. While ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome can occur while taking Clomid and other fertility drugs taken orally, it’s rare.)We wanna make sure that my uterus is ready for transfer. If my body does go into hyper stimulation we will have a mentral cycle and FREEZE all the embryo's. So we will still have the retrieval and the embryologist will still be able to see how many embryos we can get once he has those numbers he will then freeze them and we will wait for a couple months. This is the same if this stubborn lining doesn't get healthy and or shed some. We will go along with the retrieval and just wait. We will most likely have to have a DNC to clean me out and then wait a month and do the transfer. I know all this seems so foreign to you cause it does kinda to me but I know that God has His hands protecting us so whatever is done is his will.
This is just a waiting and lots of patience's ! Lots of prayers and trusting Dr Deaton and his staff that Gods directing them into the direction that is best for Neal and I.
I am not saying this isn't hard. Its the most emotional, mental, physical roller coaster that I have ever been on in my life. I have Jesus in my heart and I know that he gives me the peace that passes all understanding. That no mater what God is there and will give Neal and I the strength we need for this IVF cycle.
So if we have the fresh transfer we are fine with that and if we have to wait a couple months and have frozen transfer we are fine with that as well.
So there you have it. I will update as soon as I know what my blood results are!!
Thanks for your prayers !
Love and God Bless,
Neal and Elizabeth
ps... the photo above is the medication I have to give myself every night...
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I feel like its Christmas again!
Yesterday 1/4/2011 I ordered all my medication!! Which let me tell you. I love MEDCO and I love our Insurance. God sure does work everything out in his timing. If you dont believe me ask me I can tell you multiple stories of how he has worked all this out for Neal and I ! So I knew that I would be getting some boxes the next two days. Craig our mail room deliverly man(such a sweet soul) came to my desk and said I have some boxes for you. I was like YES!! So as I turned around he had 4 boxes and a package. Two of the boxes were large and the others were med and small! All which contained all 9 perscriptions. 1 I got three weeks ago!! So I got everything!! EVERYTHING! Usually 6 medications would be here by next week and 3 by today and they went ahead and overnighted them all!!! WOOO WEE!!! I am so excited!
So let the good times begin! I look forward to sharing with everyone what God is doing!!
Love ya!!
Elizabeth and Neal!!!!
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